Friday, February 17, 2012

Chuck Norris for President

Song for this post: "Down Under" ~ Men At Work

So. It's Friday. And that means "Friday Staff Meeting." I know last week was really disappointing so you'll be pleased to know that not only was this week substantially more exciting, but shots started almost an hour ahead of schedule. There was so much gold going on that I had to take notes.

Go team!

Here's a brief recap of some fairly serious issues:

1. Verizon is the best ever and my boss can school any of you on rooting a phone.

2. I was a little stressed out this week. I'm uber sorry to my coworkers for practically breathing fire all week.*

3. The bartender, Lindsay (who is AMAZING) wore the most beautiful necklace EVER IN THE UNIVERSE! I fully plan on sneaking into her house and yanking it from her body while she slumbers.

4. I thought we were tough and stuff with our Friday "let's get shitcanned meetings."  But the dude next to us was taking straight up Jaeger shots. I NEVER take shots, just for the record. I have 2 glasses of wine. Anything beyond that and my productivity suffers. Anyway, so the guy is taking Jaeger shots and my boss (who, coincidentally is also from Central WA) says, "Jaegar shots huh? When did we get to Selah?!?!"

5. The show "Biggest Loser" should be retitled "Crying Fatties."  Okay, these are not my words. But I'm not going to say I didn't giggle...and I'm certainly not a tiny girl.

6. MTVs Real World is returning to Seattle. This is alarming.  Something about Real World meets the Jersey Shore era in Seattle screams trouble. We're thinking it's going to end up being 40 year old divorcees couped up in a high rise bangin' each other left and right. No good can come from this.

7. When my boss was in high school he took German and, instead of learning the language, just strung together a bunch of words he knew to form a sentence. What did he end up saying, you ask?

"Ich tanze nackt auf der Toilette für die Regierung Käse."

Go ahead, go find the translation. You're welcome.

7. Speaking of no good, did anyone else know Barack Obama AND Ron Paul are in Washington today? I'm thinkin' old west showdown.  You know who needs to run for president? Chuck Norris. And I mean that with sincerity.  His slogan can be, "Chuck Norris: Diplomacy with a roundhouse kick to the face." His Secretary of State can be Betty White. She'll play the good cop.  (If someone makes a graphic of this campaign ad and posts it as a comment, I'll send you a gift. Swear.)

Lastly, Batman is alive and well in our office. Thanks, Jeff (who is now called Bruce).

Right now I'm at my desk, workin' on a spreadsheet, drinking coffee, and eating Skinny Cow chocolate ice cream because, fuck off.

Here's the deal, and I mean this with sincerity: A lot of my friends ask how it is that I, apparently, got the coolest job on the planet.  And they'd be right. I have a rad job and my boss and I know how to hustle.  And how do I make it work, you ask?  1) I'm good at what I do. 2) Somehow we manage to have a kick ass time while still getting the shit done. 

I think the latter is probably where the vague lesson is here. We can still get it done and give 100% when we're tired, sick, buzzed, angry, whatever. Most people get tired or get a head cold or the flu or get drunk and call in sick. We don't. I mean, shit. I had a SEIZURE this week and I'm here. We're animals that way. Even though I post here about how much fun we're having, that doesn't compromise the kick ass job we do at work. It helps that we care about each other in this sort of awesome, dysfunctional family sort of way. Am I here? Sure. And all of my coworkers have asked a few times today how I'm feeling.  And then we went to work. And that's where it's at. 

It's like Liz Taylor said:

Thanks, sales department, for bein' you.  Work hard. Play hard.

Now I'm gonna finish this spreadsheet and listen to Toto. 

*I've been a little grumpy this week. My migraines got the better of me. And I'm sorry. Turns out I might actually have a seizure disorder.  Keep ya posted. Promise. :)


  1. seizure disorder? :( That's what my husband said b/c of your memory loss.

    1. Yup. I see a specialist in a month. Turns out they're not just simple migraines. So, instead of headache management, they're looking at seizure management. I've been having them monthly for a while. I always thought it was the mood stabilizers. Or the head injury for the car accident. But, I remember being 8 and having a seizure in the bathroom and never telling my parents about it. I remember having one at 14, too. So...we're gonna do some tests. All good stuff.

      I mean hey, at least I "shake things up" right? Get it? Shake? hahahaha :)

      If you can't have a sense of humor you've got nothin'.