Thursday, May 31, 2012

These twins are my new dancing queen BFFs

This week's episode of SYTYCD only needs one recap:

Nick & James Aragon
Los Angeles

I want these two to be my new best friends.


Okay. I lied. This guy needs to be my new boyfriend:

Cole Horibe
Modern Dance / Martial Arts
Los Angeles

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

You know those people who are all like, "I've had the same friends since I was a baby" blah blah blah and they seem to have this movie-worthy network of friends, family, and emotional support?

Well, that's me.

I've had the same close friends since I was little. Some of them LITERALLY since I was a baby. 

I don't think about it in those terms that often. To me, they're just my friends and they're just my family. They've been a part of who I am for so long that sometimes I forget that what we have is incredibly special. Like my sisters. I'm lucky to have some kick ass sisters. My parents raised strong, intelligent, capable, mouthy, fiery women and, somehow, we all get along beautifully. How often do sisters get along very well let alone be each other's Best. Friends. ???

Not often.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012


Song for this post: "Together Forever" ~ Best Friends Forever


Nick and Lita are on their way.

I'm bursting with so much giddy excitement I wanna scream and dance like Julie Andrews on top of a mountain, that crazy bitch.


Nick during 2011 Holiday...wearing the Daiso Santa costume I won at work. :D

This shitty, 1980s song is for you, BFFL, my doppelganger, my mind-melder, my sense of reason, my beardy Vanessa. My heart guts love your heart guts.

It bears repeating...

Song for this post: "Premonition" ~ Conjure One

There is a place where time stands still. Raindrops hang motionless in air. Pendulums of clocks float mid-swing. Dogs raise their muzzles in silent howls. Pedestrians are frozen on the dusty streets, their legs cocked as if held by strings. The aromas of dates, mangoes, coriander, cumin are suspended in space.

As a traveler approaches this place from any direction, he moves more and more slowly. His heartbeats grow farther apart, his breathing slackens, his temperature drops, his thoughts diminish, until he reaches dead center and stops. For this is the center of time. From this place, time travels outward in concentric circles–at rest at the center, slowly picking up speed at greater diameters.

Who would make pilgrimage to the center of time? Parents with children, and lovers.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Why Dating Websites Are So Much Fun

I'm going to preface this by saying that I rarely take dating websites seriously. In fact, if you were to look at my profile on OkCupid, the website would alert you that I "respond very selectively" which basically means, "don't even bother." This is for a few reasons:

1. I'm super happy with the person I'm dating right now. 
2. 95% of the people on that site are broken, damaged, or retarded.
3. I'm lazy and can't be bothered by your neediness/flattery/pathetic attempt to get in my pants.
4. Unless I care about you on a personal level or interact with you professionally, I'm pretty much a career obsessed, anti-feelings, bitch-monster. RAWWWR!!!

Mostly, I have a profile on there still because, occasionally, gems like what happened this morning pop up and I can't resist the need to see where it goes. Questions about my behavior? See quoted explanation at left. Still have questions? This.

I'd like to start by thanking THIS guy for making my morning. Srsly. You crack me up! :D

Friday, May 25, 2012

Nothin' like a good dance off...

As a few close friends know, I'm OBSESSED with dance.  I'm not a dancer myself (I've always wished I was) but I could watch modern dance ALL. DAY. LONG.  Nothing effects me emotionally quicker. Strange because, I'm a singer so you'd think that'd be my catalyst. But no. It's dance.

Typically I almost exclusively like male dancers. Their natural strength gives them more ability (IMHO) and I personally feel like they're able to emote better through movement than women.  Except for Melanie Moore. She's a goddamn goddess, neverminding the fact that she has perfect form and absolutely incredible muscular strength.

Rose Was a Selfish B!$#@

Song for this post: "I Don't Mind if You Forget Me" ~ Morrissey

So, a little while back Titanic 3D came out.  There was advertising for it everywhere, all the women I know were, "so ttly excited" and I spent a chunk of my time bitching about what a horrible movie it was and how I can't, for the life of me, understand why someone would take an already terrible and painfully long movie and make it 3D.

It doesn't help that I hate romantic comedies. Really, I do.  I'm one of two females I know who don't like that sappy, lovey-dovey, makes-single-women-sit-in-their-living-rooms-and-cry-at-the-television-while-snuggling-a -makeshift boyfriend-huge-pillow, bullshit. The other woman is my Aunt Jackie. High five Aunt Jackie!

It's not that I don't like feelings (okay, I kind of don't) it's that all of those movies teach women to be emotionally weak and then let a big strong man sweep in and save the day in spite of the fact that they usually have zilch in common.  As long as she has him, she'll be a-okay. And they always end when she gets the guy. Then what? Why don't they ever show how it works out?  I'll tell you why: because it probably doesn't.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

I daydream about my dentist.

Song for this post: "Look At Me Now" ~ Chris Brown feat. Busta Rhymes

I have nothing important to say other than this has been a pretty exciting week. There are some srsly smile-provoking things going on both in my professional and personal life. The idea that some things could potentially happen that are gonna flip my situation upside down (in a good way) is making me pretty ecstatic. I function best when I have a goal and am working toward something. I'm not good at being idle.

You'd think I'd be at least a little pissy this week, given that I cracked a filling and now have to have a root canal. It helps that my dentist is hot as fire...and that the Vicodin he gave me is potent and contributing to the glorious time I've spent in bed watching movies (also uncommon for me).

It's not often that I'm just a lazy ass so I consider that time pretty precious. In fact, most of the time I'm scheduling a time to sleep in weeks in advance (you have to catch up at some point, right?). I've caught myself a number of times thinking to myself, "Oh! I can sleep in on Saturday 3 weeks from now. Shoot! No I can't." Right now I'm scheduling weekends for the summer out 2 months in advance. On a typical day I've taken a language lesson, either had a workout or been lap swimming, worked a full day and written a little on the book I'm trying desperately to finish. And that's all before 4 PM. So ya, movies in bed is a pretty big treat for me.

I complain about being busy but, honestly, I'm not sure I would know what to do with myself if I wasn't. Like I said earlier, I function best when I have a goal and am working toward something.

Also, I learned this week that, when you're trying to chat with someone via Google Chat and you mean to say, "less than 3" (like, in regards to your career) it comes out like a little I look like I'm SUPER girly and in love with my career. I mean, I knew that you type <3 and it produces a little heart avatar (obviously. I'm not 80 years old) but I'd never thought about in regard to the practical, mathematical use.

Okay. Something funny...

That shit just NEVER gets old.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

How many villains can you fit in a city?

Song for this post: "The Batman Theme" ~ Batman - Original Motion Picture Score

Seattle's super villain Rex Velvet, who I've lovingly redubbed "Sexy Rexy" struck again this morning.

Have I told you how awesome I think he is? Or how SPECTACULAR our city is? Seattle just continues to be the coolest city ever. If you missed the first 2 installments of Rex Velvet, check them out here and here. And here he is on a local radio station.

How many cities have not just 1 but TWELVE superheros and its own villain?

But that's not all, even Rex Velvet has his own arch nemesis now...and it's NOT Phoenix Jones. Everyone, meet Mr. Grim:

He's not as good as Sexy Rexy but he's certainly helped create the trifecta. We now have the equivilant of Batman, The Joker, and The Penguin (you remember...the villain who totally sucked but still added a dimension to the story).

Gawd I love this city!!1!!1!one!!

Get your own Sexy Rexy Facebook cover photo here.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

My friend Vanessa, the Bear.

Song for this post: "I Wanna Rock" ~ Twisted Sister

What did I do last night, you ask?

I spent the evening chatting with Nick about Fringe, designated board game nights and a new alter ego, the bearded lady Vanessa.

The progression of our conversation went like this: cute women > lesbians who like Nick > Spider-man > Evil Dopplegangers > the majesty of beards.

It started with a picture of me and a conversation about how Nick is one of my very best friends.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Guess what I'm NOT doing tonight?

Song for this post: "Loser" ~ Beck

This is the second year in a row I've missed Mozart's Requiem at Benaroya Hall. I've said close to a billion times that it's my very favorite piece of music.

I totally forgot it was tonight and tomorrow night.

So. Unbelievably. Upset. Right now.

Find the complete Requiem here. There is nothing more beautiful, more heartbreaking, and more moving.

For those who don't know, a requiem mass is a "mass for the dead." It was the last piece Mozart wrote and he told his wife he was writing it for his own funeral. That's likely an Elizabethan play on words though, since he was commissioned to write the piece.  What he meant was that he was feeling very ill. Mozart was convinced he had been poisoned and his health continued to deteriorate while he wrote the mass. He never got to finish it, though, as he died before it's completion.  An apprentice finished it for him.

Fittingly, it was played at his funeral.

There are only two movements that I find particularly melancholy: Introitus (the beginning) and the last section of Sequentia (the Lacrimosa, which means "mournful."). The rest is really rather intense.  It ranges from evoking feelings of introspection and an appreciation for the world around you to impending doom to straight up anger.  If you listen to the entire mass (roughly an hour) I guarantee you'll feel nearly the entire spectrum of emotion. That's sort of the point of requiem masses, though. You're supposed to feel the spectrum of emotion and, thus, the spectrum of your life.

Mozart was an absolute genius and I'm very Very VERY sad to miss this again.

...aaaaaaaand I just found out a friend of mine is at Maximilien for lunch which is my very favorite restaurant in Seattle. Incredible, sweeping views of the sound, outstanding wine and some pretty spectacular oysters. If you haven't gone, go. For rlz.

So basically, I'm feeling left out of the finer things this city has to offer today.  It's going to take an extra glass of wine in today's "Friday Staff Meeting" to cover this wound.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

23, lives with mom, does cocaine. AKA "Comedian."

Song for this post: "Funny Face" ~ Red Hot Chili Peppers

Last night I went to my first comedy show. It was at the Capitol Club in Capitol Hill.  It was swell. Why I'm 30 and haven't ever been to a live comedy show is beyond me but you can sleep well tonight knowing I've remedied that shortcoming. Mostly, I was just glad to be with good company and having cocktails. The laughing was a total bonus.

Anyway, some of the comedians were NOT FUNNY AT ALL.  One guy just wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. At all. He delivered each very carefully recited line while staring at the floor the whole time. He could have been funny...if he'd had more self confidence. Either way, he had that sort of smarmy, sweaty, Andrew Dice Clay, "I do too much cocaine" thing about him so I probably wouldn't have found him funny no matter how self confident he was.

There was only one woman and she spent her entire segment talking about being a lesbian. I feel like that's just unoriginal. Every gay, female comedian I know of makes their whole set about being a gay, female comedian. I'm happy for you. Now say something funny.

There was this one kid, though, who performed last. His name is Sean McCarthy and he's hilarious:

Also, I know it's been a while since I did a proper Friday Staff Meeting. I'll make sure we do it right tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I want to hear you upbeat!!!

So, funny thing:

When I kept a blog on what it was like working for a homeless charity I got mere hundreds of views.

Now that I keep a blog where I cuss a lot, voice my political opinions, and drunk-blog, I get TENS OF THOUSANDS.

We have some questionable priorities. I mean, I get it. Homelessness isn't funny. That's why they call it a crisis.  If I had used that blog to be funny then I'd just be making fun of homeless people. And that's not funny. That'd just makes me a dick.

Cheers to keepin' it real. And cheers to you.  You make my day! :)

Just keep preachin' abstinence...

Song for this post: "Baby's Got Sauce" ~ G Love & Special Sauce

"Almost half of men and 69 percent of women surveyed said they were 'committed to avoiding pregnancy,' but for a significant number of them, that commitment doesn't come with precautionary measures, as 40 percent said birth control doesn't matter: 'when it is your time to get pregnant, it will happen.'"
Full article here...               

You know, regardless of political position or religious view, every human being has the right to be equipped with the tools they need to make educated decisions about their body, their life, and the lives of their offspring. The fact that 40% of young adults still think that "when it is your time to get pregnant, it will happen" is just ludicrous. To deny a person that right is to deny them knowledge and denying that person the right to be educated is to strip them of a basic human right.

Monday, May 7, 2012

'Til death do us part (bonus video about hoochies)

I just read this somewhere and thought it was fantastic:
"I promised my partner forever. I didn't add any subsets to that. I said until death do us part.  While yes, leaving is a big thing to hold over someone's head, it's just a threat. And it might end up being one of those "this hurts me more then it hurts you" threats. I'm not a fan of those. So, instead, no matter how bad he screws up or I screw up, we both know we have to make this work. Neither of us like the idea of being married to an asshole so, we have to talk things out. Completely. It helps because we can't threaten the "I'll leave if you don't do x". Instead we say things like "I swear to all that is holy if you don't stop doing x, I will wake you up every morning by punching you in the face." (Jk. I've never said that.) It makes us better communicators and I don't have to worry about making a liar out of myself because I wouldn't leave him."

And, just for posterity, if I ever get married (read: if anyone can ever tolerate me and if love does actually exist), I want to do it like this:

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Joan Rivers and Nuclear Testing sites

Song for this post: "You Belong To Me" ~ Tori Amos

My house is about 5 blocks from the ferry dock so, unless it's torrential outside I walk. I like the walk. It wakes me up in the morning and it's usually really pretty in the afternoon.  Also, I live in the arts district of a town that looks like it should be one of those nuclear test sites in New Mexico. No joke. EVERYTHING here is like 1950.  It's incredible.

Yesterday on my walk home I realized it was first Friday so all of the galleries and restaurants and such were open and everyone was dressed up. I stopped to look at the cute little movie theater straight out of the movie The Majestic.

Anyway, the sign said Joan Rivers was performing that night.

Performing what? Impromptu plastic surgery? Her last eulogy? An autopsy?

Then it occurred to me that I was a mere 50 feet away from her. I was 50 feet and a brick wall away from an actual, real life, zombie.

Thank you Bremerton, for being the starting point of the zombie apocalypse.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Vasectomies and why I'm mad at Wo(men)...

Song for this post: "Do It Like A Dude" ~ Jessie J

The primary topic in today's Friday Staff Meeting was vasectomies. Not joking.

Coworker: "So, I had a vasectomy."
Me (sarcastically): "Thanks for coming to lunch today guys. It's been super fun!"
Coworker: "I just think it's funny that you can't say anything related to reproductive organs without blushing or telling us to shut up."
Me: "I'm a girl. Just because we're all buddies doesn't mean I want to hear about your junk."
Coworker: "Wanna see my scar?"

I give up.*

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Seattle is amazing (read: glee and super heroes rock my socks)

Song for this post: "Stronger" ~ Kelly Clarkson

I talk about how much I love this city a LOT. Am I disappointed in some of the things that happened on Tuesday? Yes. But I adore this city. The creativity, community, love, economic development, and ingenuity that comes out of this town keeps me in a continuous state of awe.

Here are three examples from the last WEEK:

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Glug glug glug...

Song for this post: "He's Not A Boy" ~ The Like

Let's have some humor to lighten up a very serious day:

  • Did anyone else read Jenny Lawson's recap on the hotel she was in? The part about emotion body milk was outstanding. God I love her.
  • This.
  • And the best T-Shirt ever.

Seattle May Day Protests, Violence, and Disappointment

Song for this post: "Bomb The World" ~ Michael Franti & Spearhead"

I told myself I wouldn't do this today.  But I'm just so disappointed in, well, everyone.

Yesterday Seattle was host to May Day protests hosted peacefully by Occupy Seattle. Unfortunately, the protests were infiltrated by Black Bloc and quickly turned violent. If you don't know what Black Bloc is, look it up on Wikipedia. I'm not linking it here because, honestly, I want nothing to do with giving them free SEO.

By 2:30 our Mayor had issued emergency clearance for police to confiscate any items that could be used as a weapon. He did this to ensure that the planned 5:00 PM protest and march, again hosted by Occupy, would be peaceful.

One of the great things about Seattle is that we're a protest friendly city. Our local government respects our right to assemble and exercise our freedom of speech. Hell, our culture encourages it here. There aren't very many large US cities who handle it as well as we do. Oakland, New York and Chicago are also known for their demonstrations but the outcome is rarely as peaceful.

Unfortunately, there's usually some kind of violence.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

May Day Protests and Escalators

      verb /ˈeskəˌlāt/ 
      escalated, past participle; escalated, past tense; escalates, 3rd person singular present; escalating, present participle
      1. Increase rapidly
        • - the price of tickets escalated
        • - the escalating cost of health care
      2. Become or cause to become more intense or serious
        • - the disturbance escalated into a full-scale riot
        • - we do not want to escalate the war

    Do you have ANY IDEA how annoying it is to be stuck behind people who get on an escalator and then just stand there?!? I don't recall seeing a sign that says, "Please, rest here. You look winded." The whole point of an escalator is to get somewhere faster...not hold up everyone behind you who is obviously more capable of critical thought than yourself.

    There are exceptions, for sure. But those exceptions typically take the elevator or at least stand to the side so those behind them can pass.

    Henry Rollins said in his spoken word that airports make him insane because of the human sidewalks. "It's like humans...on display."

    This video sums it up very well:

    ::expression of disapproval::

    In other news, there's a riot outside my office. Again. Damn protesters. As if the Occupy movement didn't create enough of a shit-show downtown. Now there are May Day protesters outside. Hundreds of them. And police force. And apparently the protesters bashed in the windows of the Federal Courthouse.

    So. Annoying.

    Update: Buildings on our block are being vandalized.  The BoA building, Federal Courthouse and Chase Bank are going into lockdown. Westlake seems to be demonstrating peacefully so hopefully it's all under control by the time I leave.

    I should be used to this stuff by now, for sure. But I can't help my heart from palpitating a little when I look out my office window and see that kind of stuff.

    **I should mention that, while Occupy Seattle provided the peaceful protests, they did not provide the anarchists and violence. Their invitations did not say BYOA. That was all Black Bloc.**