Seattle continues to be witty and irreverent

Saw this ad today in downtown Seattle on my way to my bank:

My city cracks me up. Way to maximize current affairs for advertising, Roku! 

In other news, I continue to adore the company I work for. Tonight we hosted a networking event up in Bothell with a certain member company that's doing cutting edge high-performance computing software. There was local beer, trivia, snacks, and a kick-ass photo booth that we took FULL advantage of.

I know. We look STUPIDLY happy. And we are. That's how much I love my job. These girls are the bee's.

Tennessee = Darlin' I don't know what you're talkin' about but you sure look pretty.

Song for this post: "Tennessee" ~ The Wreckers not ironically, off their album "Stand Still, Look Pretty"

So, here's the deal ya'll:

I made it back from Tennessee without any criminal charges. I know. I want to pat myself on the back too. I think what probably saved me from being stuck in that awful ring of hell were 3 things:

1. I was barely ever allowed to leave the resort
2. The one time I did I was with Bianca, who had the presence of mind to get me out of the taxi before the racist taxi driver I was reprimanding kicked us out
3. There were more than 2,900 rooms in our resort...so it would have been difficult for the fuzz to find me

Green eggs & ham...pizza

Song for this post: "Good Enough" ~ Cyndi Lauper

Today's "Friday meeting" really wasn't what it usually is. Everyone is either out of office or super broke so, at first, it was just me and a girlfriend. I drank wine and ate yummy spinach/feta pizza while she talked about her son. We scheduled a night to hang out and work on her resume.

My girlfriend is awesome and she seriously underestimates herself. She's so amazing and I love her to death and she's wonderful but she's also kinda funny because she got this kick ass degree without ever thinking about what she would do with it once she had it. The only reason she got it is because she was a single mother and wanted to show her son anything is possible and you CAN go to college and achieve your dreams no matter what.

"But I can't read!"

Song for this post: "Never Going Back Again" ~ Fleetwood Mac

Awwww. Work. Liquor. Dick jokes. It all makes me feel so warm and fuzzy.

Today marked our first day back at our "Friday Staff Meeting" since before all of that hellish (and sometimes fun) business travel. Believe me, we needed to reconvene.

To Houston In A Handbasket

Song for this post: "Gunpoweder & Lead" ~ Miranda Lambert

So, I'm back from Houston. What do I have to show for it? A massive bruise on my right arm (and my pride), a head cold from Hades, some kick ass corporate clothing, a nice collection of vendor swag, and a strong desire to take a vacation, unplug the phone, and take enough benadryl to sedate a small village.

Honestly, though, it wasn't that bad. Outside of the 3 hours of sleep a night, the incredible and death defying acts of excessive drinking, and fried food EVERYTHING, it was pretty okay.

It started at 3:30 in the morning. I had to be in Seattle by 6 so I had to take the first ferry out of Bremerton. Busses don't run that early in Seattle so, when the ferry got to port I did the only logical thing: I rented a lincoln towncar to deliver me to the office in proper fashion.  I wish I would have taken a picture of this but it was early, I was tired, and I didn't have coffee in my system yet. I actually made the driver circle the block while I Googled which Starbucks in the downtown area was open at 5:30 on Saturday morning...then I made him take me there. For that brief moment, at the crack of dawn, I was Anna Wintour.

We all got to the airport with time to spare so, at 7:00 AM me and my boss decided to spend our time constructively: by drinking bloody marys. Wish he would have told me he ordered doubles. I might have protested...had I known.  Or not. You know...

I should say here that I HATE flying Alaska Air. HATE. I should have said something when the flights were being booked but totally spaced it. It's like flying in an easy bake oven. Toddlers have toys that are made from better and more durable plastics than that shit is made from.  So I spent the first part of the flight ready to barf in my coworker's lap until we stabilized. 

Don't touch it! It could give you a disease.

Song for this post: "Business Time" ~ Flight of the Concords

Not a lot of people who read this will know this and I thought it was worth mentioning:

Everyone knows by this point that, on Fridays, my boss and coworkers and I drink our faces off at Alibi Room for our lunch.  What many don't know is what Alibi Room is.

Blame Canada

Song for this post: "Informer" ~ Snow

Last day in Canada. Tomorrow morning we go back to Seattle for 2 days and then off to Houston.

Firstly, my hotel suite was BA.  Kudos to our accounting department for spoiling us.Given, I felt like my mom was cleaning my room the whole trip, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.  Every time I got back I'd find all of my clothes folded and put back in my suit case and all of my makeup neatly arranged on the counter in the bathroom. I've been telling myself little elves do it.

I did NOT leave it this clean.

What have I learned at this tradeshow? On a professional level, our partners are amazing. On a totally inappropriate, unprofessional level, well...

Chuck Norris for President

Song for this post: "Down Under" ~ Men At Work

So. It's Friday. And that means "Friday Staff Meeting." I know last week was really disappointing so you'll be pleased to know that not only was this week substantially more exciting, but shots started almost an hour ahead of schedule. There was so much gold going on that I had to take notes.

Go team!

Here's a brief recap of some fairly serious issues:

Friday staff meeting

Song for this post: "C.R.E.A.M." ~ Wu Tang

I know I usually have an interesting story about our "Friday sales staff meetings" but, this week, I really don't. Our time at Alibi Room was surprisingly tame. We each had very few drinks (I really have no tolerance since January Prohibition), ate some pizza and talked about normal things.

I got to see pictures of my boss's beautiful children. We talked about my coworker considering island living (I'm an advocate, as we all know), and the bartender, Lindsey, and I scheduled a shopping date for Valentine's Day.

All good things. All very normal. We did talk briefly about adult circumcision but, for us, that's pretty tame. Oh! This totally inappropriate thing made laugh...so there's that. Thank you George Takei for being totally creepy.

What can I say? Next week we'll try harder.

RE: The song for this post: In lieu of some sordid story have some mid-nineties gansta rap.

Aerobic infidelity in the workplace.

Song for this post: "Walk Away" ~ Kelly Clarkson

Me: "I'm going to the gym."
Receptionist: "Tell him I said hello. I haven't seen him in a while."
Me: "I'm sure Gym understands. It's a love hate relationship."
Receptionist: "I think he's upset that I've been spending time with Ben & Jerry."

tssssstsssssst

Song for this post: "Money" ~ The Flying Lizards

I absolutely adore where I work. The guys I work with are hilarious, we're super productive, creative, and we are all given a TON of freedom in our positions. Startups are where it's at. If you go back a few posts, you can read about our "office meetings" at the bar down the street.  We love "office meetings."

I have a corner office with a door that closes and a big window that looks out over downtown Seattle. I love my office. I share it with another guy who is equally as awesome as everyone else.  We get along great.

When I first started working here and was getting to know him, he mentioned once that sometimes his wife gets on him about trivial things like tapping the spoon against the bottom of the cereal bowl.  I feel for him. All of us women do things like that.

Here's where it gets tricky:

He makes this noise. Constantly.  About every 20-30 seconds on a normal day and every 5-10 when he's really focused in on something.  It's sort of a sucking sound through his front two top teeth.  It makes sort of a suck/whistle noise.  It drives me bat shit cray.  Problem is, if I say anything than I'm the obnoxious office wifey.  So I keep my mouth shut, put in headphones, and turn up the music.  He's a cool guy. I totally like working with him besides that one thing.

Me and another co-worker, my best office buddy, have been discussing it lately and trying to decide on my best plan of attack.  This was yesterday:

Me: He's making the noise again.
Coworker: How would I type that noise? tssssssssstsssssssssss?
Me: It can't be real. I'm starting to think it might be a dirty trick he's been playing to see how long it will take me to say something. He can't honestly not know he's doing it...  ::starting to be suspicious::
Coworker: Your best bet is to just snap and start yelling/dropping F bombs.
Me: Yes. That's clearly the only solution.
Coworker: I'm pretty sure it's what Jesus would do.
Me:  Bahahahaha
Coworker: And by Jesus, I mean the Spanish pronunciation and the dude that runs the taco stand in Bothell...

I love my job.

Scott Baio

Song for this post: "Woman, I Love You" ~ Scott Baio

On Fridays a bunch of us at work have a "staff meeting" at the Alibi Room under Pike Market.  The bonus of working on 4th and Pike?  Well...really there aren't any downsides so...

Anyway, we know the bartender there. She's hilarious and always has a really funny story about something she experienced. So we go down there and they drink beer while I drink wine and we all eat pizza and listen to her fantastic stories.

Today's pizza was a bacon/feta something-or-another.  Except, when Chad asked what was on it and Rob said, "Its got bacon on there," I thought he said, "Scott Baio's on there."

I wish it had been true.

It begs the question though... What would be on a Scott Baio pizza...you know...besides strippers?

Work is hard work.

Song for this post: "Back to Black" ~ Amy Winehouse

I was just informed that our office holiday lounge will be set up and ready for business as of tomorrow morning. It's a liquor bar that's apparently set up just before Christmas every year so we can all drink our faces off, in the office, for the duration of our work days up until New Year's Eve.

Have I told you how much I love working here?

Nothin' like a work Bloody Mary to jump start the creative process.

...yes. I realize my job is awesome.

Ho ho ho baby Jesus!

Our office had a gift exchange today. I won a sweet-as Santa suit from Daiso Japan.  It was the equivalent of $5.13 and comes complete with a beard.

Shortly thereafter, my coworkers told me that, if I was my own hash tag, I'd be #SitOnElle'sLap&TellHerWhatYouWant.

I have every intention of wearing this out tomorrow night.

Hell. Yes.