Listen to your elders, people.

Listen to your elders, people. They have a WEALTH of knowledge to share:

Rape is just a "thing"

The fact that I share a state with this man is upsetting in and of itself.

Okay so, let's just clear one thing up really quickly:

Why are all of these middle-aged, overly-priveleged, out-of-touch, caucasian, male politicians weighing in on a woman's right to get an abortion after she's raped?

Why aren't they weighing in on educating men NOT TO RAPE?

I'm tired of being your scapegoat.

Read full article here.

Listen to full audio from John Koster here.

Malarkey, sleepovers, and pergatory via planning meetings

Sorry for being MIA for the last 2 weeks, guys. I'm still here. I've just been really busy with this new job which, BTW, is so fantastic I might pee a little from excitement. Even today when our budget planning meeting lasted 8 hours (and it's not done yet ugh...kill me now) I was still super happy to be there.

I. Love. It. There.

I've got the Lady's Quarterly Sleepover: Autumn Edition this weekend so I'll be sure to recap that debacle this coming week.

Also, did you guys catch the VP debate tonight?!?! I feel like, in a less civilized world, they would have thrown down. I gotta admit, watching those two grapple it out on camera would have been awesome. Biden would have growled and snarled and ripped off Ryan's pale, clammy arms and then beat his chest with them in victory.

At least, that's how I imagine it in my head...and we all know how bizarre it can get up in there.

If you missed the debate, watch it all below:

And please, for the love of kittens, unicorns, and gummy bears, get out and vote! Don't be that douche canoe who wants to tell us your opinion even though you didn't exercise your right to voice it when it mattered.

Who Am I Voting For?

Song for this post: "Heart Like Mine" ~ Miranda Lambert

Put your political hat on guys, we're gonna get fancy.

This post is an extension of this post.

This morning a statement about universal healthcare was posted on Facebook by someone I've known my whole life. And while she and I were never close as children, I've grown to respect her and care about her as an adult. I've watched her go through some tough life changes and she's come out of it shining. We differ GREATLY in our political beliefs. It's both of our foundations in Christianity  that seems to be our common thread.

I couldn't have disagreed with her more this morning. And that's okay. Democracy allows for that. Coincidentally, so does my heart.

This election seems to have polarized our country, as many elections do. I feel like this one, in particular has created a bit more contronymity because our two presidential candidates, while both wanting our country to flourish, have absolute opposite road maps on how to get there. Similarly, some of the political topics of this generation hit close to home and are very, very emotional. Because of this polarization, many are quick to anger, quick to judge, and quick to discard valuable friendships.

Just like many of you, my initial, knee-jerk reaction this morning was anger. Anger at what I saw as selfishness. "I don't want to pay for other people's healthcare." To me that's basically saying, "I like my money more than your life." When you boil it down to the root, that's true and there's no arguing it. Given, there was a part of her position that had to do with being forced to pay for healthcare. But I'm sure she doesn't have a problem with us forcing people to pay for auto insurance, or wear seat belts. It's for the safety of their lives and for the safety of those around them. We are a selfish species, by nature. All of us. So selfish, in fact, that it takes a government mandate to make us help each other out. And it makes me feel guilty and sad and, well, angry.

As someone who has a foundation in Christianity I see very clearly that it's our moral responsibility (although, I like to use the word "privelege" or "pleasure" or "fuck ya I'd love to!") to "love our neighbor as we love ourselves." Let me be clear here, though. I don't think you have to be a Christian to understand morality. I just happened to have had it shoved down my throat every day so it's hard to forget. If I want to be able to go to the dentist to get a painful tooth fixed, I MUST help my neighbor do the same. My money is NOT more important than your quality of life and your health.

I do well. I have a nice house, a good car, I'm going on an international trip with friends later this year just for fun. She has a pretty cushy life too, my friend on Facebook this morning. I used to think many issues didn't apply to me because, quite simply, they didn't. I've worked hard to get where I'm at. I didn't care about universal healthcare because I have a great job and great benefits. It didn't apply to me. I didn't care about marriage equality, because I'm not same sex oriented. It didn't apply to me. I didn't care about a woman's right to choose, because I would never get an abortion. Plainly, I was out of touch. This should be a familiar phrase to you at this point of the current election. It's attached to a certain republican presidential candidate.

All that has changed. It's changed because I love someone very much who's husband bailed and now she has beautiful babies to take care of as a single mother. She needs universal healthcare. It's changed because I love someone who is deeply in love with someone of the same gender and it's not fair to tell them they can't get married when I can. It's changed because, when I think about a man telling me what I can and cannot do with my body, whether or not I choose to get an abortion (which is so NOT the issue) I'm enraged. I have a brain. I have a heart. I have a right to decide what I do with my body and the cells within it.

It was difficult to talk about universal healthcare with her this morning. But I love her and I respect that she has beliefs, even though they may differ from mine. She's not wrong. She's just wrong for me. But she's right for her. And here's my point in all this:

I'm not voting for me. I'm voting for you. I'm voting for my neighbors, who deserve to have the same quality of life that I have. Sometimes shit happens that makes that really tough. That person close to me didn't ask for her husband to leave. She didn't ask to be in a terrible car accident that makes it tough to work. She didn't ask to have one shit storm after another make her path so So SO difficult. There are no guarantees in life. It's not her fault. She DESERVES a chance. And sometimes that chance takes all of us pitching in and helping out. 

THAT'S what I'm voting for. Her chance.

Sometimes voting for you means my vote may differ from my own personal beliefs. Sometimes it SHOULD. It should because, as a loving people, we have to put ourselves aside to do what's best for others. It's not about me. It's about us.

So am I willing to pay more taxes so her family can have healthcare without worry and stress and more financial burden than they are already struggling with?

Fuck yes.

My money is NOT more important to me than their health.

Stop voting for you. Vote for someone else.

Support Marriage Equality

Song for this post: "Macklemore & Ryan Lewis – Same Love (feat. Mary Lambert)"

So, I'm in love with Ben Haggerty or, as you might know him, Macklemore. He's the Kick. Ass. rapper from Seattle. You might remember him from this post.

Anyway, he put out a song a while back called "Same Love" and donated all proceeds to The Marriage Equality Campaign.

 As anyone who knows me can tell you, I am absolutely PRO marriage equality for too many reasons to list here. In my very humble opinion, if you're not, it's because you don't know what you're talking about...or you're just blatantly into bigotry...or you're afraid. It HAS to be one of those 3 reasons, because no one has been able to give a reason that doesn't boil down to one of those yet. EVER. The most common one we all hear is, "I believe marriage is between a man and a woman...because I'm a Christian." That's great! I'm happy for you! What the fuck does Christianity have to do with governmental policy?

Nothing?

Good. Glad you're with me.

Here's the thing: You can't support your own agenda for rights by denying the rights of others. It's an incomplete argument. Seriously. I'll explain why.

Look how easy this is:

Thesis: Gay Rights Should Be Legal
Major Premise: Humans should have the right to marry who they choose.
Minor Premise: Some humans are gay.
Supporting Statement 1: All men are created equal. Source.
Supporting Statement  2 : The Declaration of Independence says the legislature "shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion." Source.
Supporting Statement  3: Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of gender. Source.
Conclusion: If all men are created equal and some men are gay, and if our body of government cannot make laws respecting specific religions, and MUST adhere to equality amongst genders, than it stands to reason that men shall not be denied the right to marry on account of gender, regardless of religion.

See that highlighted part? That's the part non-supporters are conveniently skipping over in their argument.

Now you try:

Maybe you could do one on the in-congruent argument that sex is made for procreation and that's why gay people shouldn't marry. Because, in America, we ONLY EVER have sex when we're trying to further our species.

Or maybe you could write about how humans are purely heterosexual, just like all mammals, and our laws shouldn't make exceptions for genetic mutations. You know...because humans, as the most intelligent, most successful species on the planet hasn't EVER evolved or matured or adapted to their environment. Ever. Oh...neither has just about every other mammalian species on the planet from fruit flies to sheep to whales.

Or you could make one about how homosexuality is a choice and preferences shouldn't be made exceptions of in law. Because, we all KNOW that we NEVER make exceptions for preference in law...you know...like all those tax breaks for people who's preference is to have children, or acceptance for anyone's preference to practice the religion of their choice.

Writing is fun!

Oh also, this.

 Anyway, "Same Love" is rad, as is Macklemore.

Presidential Candidates & Batman

Sometimes visual aids help...

Click to enlarge

Yes. I made this. You're welcome.

I'm TOTALLY related to the white house.

Song for this post: "September" ~ Earth, Wind, & Fire

OMG you guys I just really wanted to share this picture with you. You know, just a little bit more about me...

The other day my family and I went on this awesome picnic together and then got this great, totally unexpected, shot of all of us laughing and hugging. You know, like families do.

So then, Uncle Joe was all, "When I was a little boy..." and started tellin' one of his stories. He likes to tell stories. And Malia was all, "Aren't you like, really hot in that suit, Dad? It's like 100 degrees out here." And then we all laughed about how my mom, Michelle, has Madonna arms and dared her to pick both the girls up at the same time.

That woman is tough as nails.

Do you have any idea how many photos I had to splice together to come up with this? 

And it STILL looks all wonky. :/

\

An Open Letter to Michelle Obama

Dear Michelle,

I love you. You're fantastic. And your husband is the shit.

Thanks for bein' you,

An Average American

Full transcript of speech here.

Vote Betty White for VP!

ihatekeats.blogspot.com has been transferred to www.ihatekeats.com. 

Please update your RSS feed.

---

You're Welcome.

This goes along with what I said earlier about Chuck Norris being President and Betty White being his Joe Biden (only way cooler, obviously). As long as she's in there somewhere I'm happy.

Addendum: 

Okay. I get that Chuck Norris is like, suuuuuper conservative. But, in my world, he's super rad and liberal and awesome and loves Betty White and they make America awesome together and make-out on the White House lawn like teenagers. See, my world is primarily fiction (much like the contents of this blog).

An open letter to Ann Romney

Oh Ann...

You really had America wrapped around your finger last night. You were cheerful, determined, reticent, charming... You knew exactly when to make us laugh and exactly when to make us agree with you.

You see, I wanted to believe you. I wanted to believe you when you said women are what holds this country together. I wanted to believe you when you told us you wanted to help the single, working mothers who want to work just a little bit less so they can spend time with their children. I believed you when you explained to us that your's and Mitt's marriage is a "real" one full of complex issues; just like any other American family. But then you made a dire misstep: You told us to trust your husband.

Ann, I'm sorry. I just can't believe you.

If you really do believe that women are what holds this country together then why would you ask me to trust a man who wants to take away our basic right to be in charge of our bodies? Why would you tell me to trust a man who doesn't believe in offering no-charge basic contraception to women (thus raising the already exorbitant social services and healthcare debt our country is already suffering from)? Why, Ann, would you tell me to trust a man who said he wants to "get rid of" Planned Parenthood, an organization who's low and no cost healthcare services are 97% women's health and preventative services and only 3% abortion procedures (and, coincidentally, government funding is NOT used for that 3%)? Are you being serious when you ask me to trust a man who would cut social services in every way possible, and, by extension, remove the safety net single mothers all over the country rely on to feed their babies and keep a roof over their heads?

How on earth do any of his positions on women's rights support your idea that women are what keep this country together? Perhaps what you meant to say, and forgive my loose translation, is that, even though women are what keep this country together, your husband would treat them as second class citizens, deny them basic rights, disenfranchise them, and then expect them to find some magical way of rearing children and find their own success with magical resources that would just pop up in front of them in the form of unicorns on rainbows.

If that is, in fact, what you meant, then please, allow me to make some parallels in the hope of awakening you:

• Poor, homeless boys, and children who were supporting destitute families are responsible for providing news to New England at the turn of the century but had very few rights and were horribly underpaid and overworked. They were what kept the news together.
• Black slaves were abused, tortured, sold into slavery, and worked to death to line the pockets of rich southerners for centuries. They are what kept the south and agricultural economy together.
• Children were used in sweat shops up until work was unionized (Thank you Teddy) and are what kept the industrial revolution together.

None of these things are moral. And yet, you seem to not have a problem allowing your own gender to suffer similar inequalities at the hands of the man you married.

You see, Ann, here's the problem:

When privileged, wealthy, white people like yourself (and your husband) look at the world around you, you have NO FUCKING IDEA what the average American goes through every day. Just like Tobacco tycoons had NO FUCKING IDEA what their slaves went through every day. It's a selfish, self serving view of the world that damages your ability to empathize with those around you on a human, realistic level. Yours is a skewed view of reality based on your cozy, picturesque, suburban life in Utah. You are not a real person. You, my dear, are what valiumized housewives pretended to be in public so many decades ago.

Ann, I'm sorry. I wanted to be on board. I wanted to believe you. But ma'am, if you think for one second I'm dumb enough to turn my back on my gender and every human being's right to basic civil equality, then you're crazier than I thought you were.

Sincerely,

A Human Being

Urgent & Important Message

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you an urgent message regarding the future of this nation:

[via The Riot] 

Despite having zero percent support from black people, and support from significantly less than half of women voters, Mitt Romney could win this thing. 

REGISTER TO VOTE. CHECK YOUR ID LAWS. PERSONALLY MESSAGE ME IF YOU NEED HELP DOING ANY OF THIS. 

This absolutely cannot happen. If you live in a swing state especially, please vote!
I am seriously frightened of Romney winning. YOU SHOULD BE, TOO
Yo Ohio, we’re important. Don’t forget to register and vote!
Seriously Ohio. Fucking VOTE. 

[And if you’re in a city that leans liberal, remember that all that farmland that makes up so much of our state leans Republican. Don’t be complacent because you see Obama stickers every 2 feet.]

---

I've seen a lot of people on Facebook saying things like, "If you're going to vote for Romney I'm de-friending you." This election year, in particular, is creating some major and very real divides in families and friends. Hot social topics have come front and center because of the polarization of the candidates' positions. Some of my own friends have taken it to extremes.

But you know what? Destroying a relationship with someone based on your political views as a liberal (or, what I like to call it, "a human being") is just as bad as being a staunch conservative and hating people who don't believe in your God. Both sides of that coin are being polished with hate and anger.

The base principle to remember in ANY election is that we live in a country that was founded on the principles of freedom of thought and speech. One of the things I love the most about the people around me is how diverse we all are. I love hearing your positions that differ from mine and I'm certainly not going to persecute you for being different from me. That kind of behavior is a slippery slide into "pot & kettle" territory.

So let's stop with the whole "I hate you if you like Romney" thing and try to be the kind of people who educate, love, and help those who don't understand get an idea of why Romney politics are so harmful.

Do your part for our team by VOTING and USING YOUR VOICE.

This guy needs a hug.

Song for this post: "Say Hello To Heaven" ~ Temple of the Dog

Often times, when people get into political or religious debates, I check out. Unless, of course, it's here and it's not a debate...it's just me talking.

So I couldn't help but chime in on a thread on Facebook this morning...and then share it here because, as always, my Sissy and I contributed to the whole thing dissolving into our own entertainment.

Disclaimer: I withhold any opinion on the subject matter and will offer no comment on my personal position. I just like to laugh.

2nd disclaimer: I've taken the broad liberty of replacing all profanities.

Clicky Clicky

The Most Honest 3.5 Minutes EVER...

Mermaids, deaf chicks, and aliens who kill children...

Song for this post: "Motown Philly" ~ Boys II Men

"Seals are just dog mermaids. Think about it."

Happy Friday everyone. Now that summer has finally hit Seattle I'm spending a lot of time obsessing over seafaring things like kayaking, swimming, discovering lost species like some non-fictional Captain Nemo...

So I was thrilled when the US government helped me wrap my head around the very confusing and oft puzzled over existence of mermaids.

Breaking news: Mermaids are not real, U.S. government declares

As my friend Andrew so eloquently stated:

Click to enlarge

OBAMAcare: WTH does it mean anyway?!?

Song for this post: "My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down" ~ The Ramones


Okay. So the new universal healthcare bill passed. Laws can be pretty confusing so I'm sure that, like me, you might be having a little trouble wrapping your head around the whole thing.


Fortunately, Reddit blogger Captain Pixy Stick broke it down for us like we're five. Thanks, Mister!

Just keep preachin' abstinence...

Song for this post: "Baby's Got Sauce" ~ G Love & Special Sauce

"Almost half of men and 69 percent of women surveyed said they were 'committed to avoiding pregnancy,' but for a significant number of them, that commitment doesn't come with precautionary measures, as 40 percent said birth control doesn't matter: 'when it is your time to get pregnant, it will happen.'"

Full article here...               

You know, regardless of political position or religious view, every human being has the right to be equipped with the tools they need to make educated decisions about their body, their life, and the lives of their offspring. The fact that 40% of young adults still think that "when it is your time to get pregnant, it will happen" is just ludicrous. To deny a person that right is to deny them knowledge and denying that person the right to be educated is to strip them of a basic human right.

Vasectomies and why I'm mad at Wo(men)...

Song for this post: "Do It Like A Dude" ~ Jessie J

The primary topic in today's Friday Staff Meeting was vasectomies. Not joking.

Coworker: "So, I had a vasectomy."
Me (sarcastically): "Thanks for coming to lunch today guys. It's been super fun!"
Coworker: "I just think it's funny that you can't say anything related to reproductive organs without blushing or telling us to shut up."
Me: "I'm a girl. Just because we're all buddies doesn't mean I want to hear about your junk."
Coworker: "Wanna see my scar?"

I give up.*

Seattle May Day Protests, Violence, and Disappointment

Song for this post: "Bomb The World" ~ Michael Franti & Spearhead"

I told myself I wouldn't do this today.  But I'm just so disappointed in, well, everyone.

Yesterday Seattle was host to May Day protests hosted peacefully by Occupy Seattle. Unfortunately, the protests were infiltrated by Black Bloc and quickly turned violent. If you don't know what Black Bloc is, look it up on Wikipedia. I'm not linking it here because, honestly, I want nothing to do with giving them free SEO.

By 2:30 our Mayor had issued emergency clearance for police to confiscate any items that could be used as a weapon. He did this to ensure that the planned 5:00 PM protest and march, again hosted by Occupy, would be peaceful.

One of the great things about Seattle is that we're a protest friendly city. Our local government respects our right to assemble and exercise our freedom of speech. Hell, our culture encourages it here. There aren't very many large US cities who handle it as well as we do. Oakland, New York and Chicago are also known for their demonstrations but the outcome is rarely as peaceful.

Unfortunately, there's usually some kind of violence.

May Day Protests and Escalators

Song for this post: "Calm Like A Bomb" ~ Rage Against The Machine

es·ca·late

verb /ˈeskəˌlāt/  escalated, past participle; escalated, past tense; escalates, 3rd person singular present; escalating, present participle Increase rapidly - the price of tickets escalated - the escalating cost of health care Become or cause to become more intense or serious - the disturbance escalated into a full-scale riot - we do not want to escalate the war

Do you have ANY IDEA how annoying it is to be stuck behind people who get on an escalator and then just stand there?!? I don't recall seeing a sign that says, "Please, rest here. You look winded." The whole point of an escalator is to get somewhere faster...not hold up everyone behind you who is obviously more capable of critical thought than yourself.

There are exceptions, for sure. But those exceptions typically take the elevator or at least stand to the side so those behind them can pass.

Henry Rollins said in his spoken word that airports make him insane because of the human sidewalks. "It's like humans...on display."

This video sums it up very well:

::expression of disapproval::

In other news, there's a riot outside my office. Again. Damn protesters. As if the Occupy movement didn't create enough of a shit-show downtown. Now there are May Day protesters outside. Hundreds of them. And police force. And apparently the protesters bashed in the windows of the Federal Courthouse.

So. Annoying.

Update: Buildings on our block are being vandalized.  The BoA building, Federal Courthouse and Chase Bank are going into lockdown. Westlake seems to be demonstrating peacefully so hopefully it's all under control by the time I leave.

I should be used to this stuff by now, for sure. But I can't help my heart from palpitating a little when I look out my office window and see that kind of stuff.

**I should mention that, while Occupy Seattle provided the peaceful protests, they did not provide the anarchists and violence. Their invitations did not say BYOA. That was all Black Bloc.**

Who needs a US security policy? Not me!

Song for this post: "Monster" ~ Kanye West feat. Nicki Minaj

Really, United States Government? Really?

In an era saturated with some of the most ridiculous forms of entertainment (Jersey Shore, Tori & Dean, and those stupid effing Facebook games) as well as some of the most outrageous policy I've seen our government try to pass in a LONG time (like penalizing women in Arizona for using birth control and don't even get me started on the state of our national security) it shouldn't come as a shock that the United States Secret Service is interviewing celebrities about their potential threats against our president.

Wait. What?

I'll say that again: