Friday, August 31, 2012

Vote Betty White for VP! has been transferred to
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This goes along with what I said earlier about Chuck Norris being President and Betty White being his Joe Biden (only way cooler, obviously). As long as she's in there somewhere I'm happy.


Okay. I get that Chuck Norris is like, suuuuuper conservative. But, in my world, he's super rad and liberal and awesome and loves Betty White and they make America awesome together and make-out on the White House lawn like teenagers. See, my world is primarily fiction (much like the contents of this blog).

Thursday, August 30, 2012

It's not all hooded death marches and finger pointing!

Song for this post: "Give Your Heart A Break" ~ Demi Lovato

Okay you guys. I know I've been super serious and political lately and I'm sorry.

Let's brighten things up!

The other day I went outside to trim my hedges (I know right?!?!? I'm so independent!), got half way through the first bush and everything just shut off. I couldn't get the darn thing to turn back on for the life of me.

So I bought a new hedge trimmer.

Last night I went outside to trim my hedges (I know right?!?!? I'm so independent!) and the darn thing wouldn't turn on.

Turns out, it's the extension cord. So now I have two hedge trimmers and no extension cord.


Sometimes I warm up to the idea of having a man around.

Also, this is my very favorite thing of the week:

Other favorite things this week?

and this. Don't judge. You like it too. You're just too embarrassed to admit it in public.

Also, The Triple Door. New favorite place. How had I not been there yet?!?!?! Really, touristy tourists. If you're in Seattle, go to The Triple Door. A cute person took me there last week to see a feminist, liberal, comedy show and eat tasty Thai foods.

Super. Win.

Also, hey. I just skimmed back over this and realized it TTLY sounds like I dig chicks!



2 hedge trimmers
1 2 industrial extension cords.

Hey so, now that I've had my foray into DIY garden care I can share a tip with you: When you're working with electric tools like lawn mowers, leaf blowers, and chain saws (any outdoor tool that plugs into a power outlet via an industrial extension cord and has sharp parts like blades) make sure you keep the cord clear of the blade.

Super important.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

An open letter to Ann Romney

Oh Ann...

You really had America wrapped around your finger last night. You were cheerful, determined, reticent, charming... You knew exactly when to make us laugh and exactly when to make us agree with you.

You see, I wanted to believe you. I wanted to believe you when you said women are what holds this country together. I wanted to believe you when you told us you wanted to help the single, working mothers who want to work just a little bit less so they can spend time with their children. I believed you when you explained to us that your's and Mitt's marriage is a "real" one full of complex issues; just like any other American family. But then you made a dire misstep: You told us to trust your husband.

Ann, I'm sorry. I just can't believe you.

If you really do believe that women are what holds this country together then why would you ask me to trust a man who wants to take away our basic right to be in charge of our bodies? Why would you tell me to trust a man who doesn't believe in offering no-charge basic contraception to women (thus raising the already exorbitant social services and healthcare debt our country is already suffering from)? Why, Ann, would you tell me to trust a man who said he wants to "get rid of" Planned Parenthood, an organization who's low and no cost healthcare services are 97% women's health and preventative services and only 3% abortion procedures (and, coincidentally, government funding is NOT used for that 3%)? Are you being serious when you ask me to trust a man who would cut social services in every way possible, and, by extension, remove the safety net single mothers all over the country rely on to feed their babies and keep a roof over their heads?

How on earth do any of his positions on women's rights support your idea that women are what keep this country together? Perhaps what you meant to say, and forgive my loose translation, is that, even though women are what keep this country together, your husband would treat them as second class citizens, deny them basic rights, disenfranchise them, and then expect them to find some magical way of rearing children and find their own success with magical resources that would just pop up in front of them in the form of unicorns on rainbows.

If that is, in fact, what you meant, then please, allow me to make some parallels in the hope of awakening you:

  • Poor, homeless boys, and children who were supporting destitute families are responsible for providing news to New England at the turn of the century but had very few rights and were horribly underpaid and overworked. They were what kept the news together.
  • Black slaves were abused, tortured, sold into slavery, and worked to death to line the pockets of rich southerners for centuries. They are what kept the south and agricultural economy together.
  • Children were used in sweat shops up until work was unionized (Thank you Teddy) and are what kept the industrial revolution together.

None of these things are moral. And yet, you seem to not have a problem allowing your own gender to suffer similar inequalities at the hands of the man you married.

You see, Ann, here's the problem:

When privileged, wealthy, white people like yourself (and your husband) look at the world around you, you have NO FUCKING IDEA what the average American goes through every day. Just like Tobacco tycoons had NO FUCKING IDEA what their slaves went through every day. It's a selfish, self serving view of the world that damages your ability to empathize with those around you on a human, realistic level. Yours is a skewed view of reality based on your cozy, picturesque, suburban life in Utah. You are not a real person. You, my dear, are what valiumized housewives pretended to be in public so many decades ago.

Ann, I'm sorry. I wanted to be on board. I wanted to believe you. But ma'am, if you think for one second I'm dumb enough to turn my back on my gender and every human being's right to basic civil equality, then you're crazier than I thought you were.


A Human Being

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Todd Akin Endorses Adult Breast Feeding!

Song for this post: "Naked Love" ~ Adam Lambert

Oh man. Just when I thought Missouri US Senate Candidate Todd Akin couldn't get any more assinine...he turns around and TOTALLY proves me wrong.

Turns out, Mr. Akin is a genuine polymath; redefining rape, curing homosexuality...

Well done, Mr. Akin. Well done.

According to Akin:

"female breastmilk - when fed directly to an adult homosexual male daily for at least four weeks - has a 94% chance of permanently curing homosexual perversions."

But he doesn't stop there. How does this feeding of breast milk happen, you ask?

‎"Just 4 weeks of live breastfeeding can cure them of their terrible suffering." 

Yes, Mr. Akin. The "perversion" of homosexuality can be easily cured by the totally acceptable, social norm of adult males breast feeding on women. Nothin' kinky about that. Nope. Not at all.

...Someone CLEARLY has mommy issues. Just sayin'.

Addendum: I'm not finding many news articles to support Akin's statement, so no guarantees it's true. But it's still really effing entertaining. If anyone can legitimize this news source (like, you know, Akin did with rape) let me know.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

I'm Going to Marry Glitch.

So, Cyrus...

If you're down to get married I'm free next weekend.

I'm just sayin'...

Friday, August 24, 2012

Urgent & Important Message

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you an urgent message regarding the future of this nation:

[via The Riot
Despite having zero percent support from black people, and support from significantly less than half of women voters, Mitt Romney could win this thing
This absolutely cannot happen. If you live in a swing state especially, please vote!
I am seriously frightened of Romney winning. YOU SHOULD BE, TOO
Yo Ohio, we’re important. Don’t forget to register and vote!
Seriously Ohio. Fucking VOTE. 
[And if you’re in a city that leans liberal, remember that all that farmland that makes up so much of our state leans Republican. Don’t be complacent because you see Obama stickers every 2 feet.]

I've seen a lot of people on Facebook saying things like, "If you're going to vote for Romney I'm de-friending you." This election year, in particular, is creating some major and very real divides in families and friends. Hot social topics have come front and center because of the polarization of the candidates' positions. Some of my own friends have taken it to extremes.

But you know what? Destroying a relationship with someone based on your political views as a liberal (or, what I like to call it, "a human being") is just as bad as being a staunch conservative and hating people who don't believe in your God. Both sides of that coin are being polished with hate and anger.

The base principle to remember in ANY election is that we live in a country that was founded on the principles of freedom of thought and speech. One of the things I love the most about the people around me is how diverse we all are. I love hearing your positions that differ from mine and I'm certainly not going to persecute you for being different from me. That kind of behavior is a slippery slide into "pot & kettle" territory.

So let's stop with the whole "I hate you if you like Romney" thing and try to be the kind of people who educate, love, and help those who don't understand get an idea of why Romney politics are so harmful.

Do your part for our team by VOTING and USING YOUR VOICE.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

We're writing a book. We've written a book.

Well folks, it's time.

I'm sending the manuscript in to agents for publishing.

Wish us luck. Hopefully you'll be reading the 1st book in our 7 book series in the next year.

::crosses fingers::

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Nice Sexism, Hollywood. Thumbs Up.

Song for this post: "Want You Back" ~ Cher Lloyd

(via Hannah Horvath)
Kristen Stewart Dropped from ‘Snow White’ Sequel Plans (Exclusive) 
Okay, so Kristen Stewart cheats on her boyfriend, who she is not married to, not engaged to, has no real legal bond to, and her career suffers. This is not the first movie she has been rumored to be dropped from. (I think it might be the third) People have talked about how this might hurt Breaking Dawn. How people will harass her at premieres or public appearances. Pretty much, the cheating scandal has made her such a liability that it might be a really long time before producers are willing to cast her in anything. 
Meanwhile, Chris Brown physically assaults his girlfriend. There are pictures of what he did to Rihanna. There is a detailed police report saying exactly what he did. And has his career suffered at all? His most recent albums have only gotten more and more popular, he won a Grammy, he was invited to perform at the Grammys, and he still has a huge fan base, mostly female, disturbingly enough. 
Meanwhile, Charlie Sheen physically assaults his wife, again, with detailed police reports. He makes anti-Semetic remarks about his boss. He goes on a bender that is captured by every major news outlet. And it’s all a joke. He trademarks all the crazy shit he says and makes money off the merchandise. He not only gets a new TV show, but it is the highest rated show on FX. 
A+ sexism there, Hollywood.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Squid, pregnancy, and eating out

Song for this post: "Motivation" ~ Kelly Rowland

So, this morning I made the mistake of reading the news. I'm never eating seafood again...

Woman Gets "Pregnant in the Mouth" 
After Eating Squid

Click for full article

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Tennessee = Darlin' I don't know what you're talkin' about but you sure look pretty.

Song for this post: "Tennessee" ~ The Wreckers not ironically, off their album "Stand Still, Look Pretty"

So, here's the deal ya'll:

I made it back from Tennessee without any criminal charges. I know. I want to pat myself on the back too. I think what probably saved me from being stuck in that awful ring of hell were 3 things:

  1. I was barely ever allowed to leave the resort
  2. The one time I did I was with Bianca, who had the presence of mind to get me out of the taxi before the racist taxi driver I was reprimanding kicked us out
  3. There were more than 2,900 rooms in our it would have been difficult for the fuzz to find me

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

I can see your...

Song for this post: "Modern Day Sinners" ~ The Brothers Comatose

Ladies, someone needs to tell you this; so it may as well be me:

When you're walkin' in front of me on the street and doing that peacock strut we all do when we think we're lookin' really sexy, just know this:

I'm looking at your panties...or lack thereof...or your crack.



Sunday, August 5, 2012

NASA rover Curiosity lands on Mars

Watch NASA's rover Curiosity land on Mars LIVE in about 10 minutes

Don't miss this guys. It's history in the making.

Friday, August 3, 2012

This guy needs a hug.

Song for this post: "Say Hello To Heaven" ~ Temple of the Dog

Often times, when people get into political or religious debates, I check out. Unless, of course, it's here and it's not a's just me talking.

So I couldn't help but chime in on a thread on Facebook this morning...and then share it here because, as always, my Sissy and I contributed to the whole thing dissolving into our own entertainment.

Disclaimer: I withhold any opinion on the subject matter and will offer no comment on my personal position. I just like to laugh.

2nd disclaimer: I've taken the broad liberty of replacing all profanities.

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