Friday, December 7, 2012

i am an emotional creature

Here’s what you will be told:

Find a man
Seek protection
The world is scary
Don’t go out
You are weak
Don’t care so much
They’re only animals
Don’t be so intense
Don’t cry so much
You can’t trust anyone
Don’t talk to strangers
People will take advantage of you
Close your legs
Girls aren’t good with:
Making difficult decisions
Lifting things
Putting things together
International news
Flying planes
Being in charge.
If he rapes you, surrender,
You will get killed trying to defend yourself
Don’t travel alone
You are nothing without a man
Don’t make the first move,
Wait for him to notice you
Don’t be too loud
Follow the crowd
Obey the laws
Don’t know too much
Tone it down
Find someone rich
It’s how you look that matters,
Not what you think.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Oh God I Can't Handle It!

It's just possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen, EVER.

^^Do you see him petting the kitty?!?!? Do you?!?! Gah! I can't handle it!!!

I know. Relax. Even though right now I'm telling myself, "I WANT A PET RACCOON!!!" I realize this is a totally unreasonable idea.

I mean...they could be house trainable.....


Oh! But that reminds me: I do have a pet raccoon. Sort of. I mean, it lives outside with the tailless squirrel who lives in my tree. Guillermo (that's the raccoon's name) scared the shit out of my best friend when she was housesitting for me. I guess she took my trash out for me (I know right?!?!? She's just lovely) and it reared up and charged at her.

Obviously NOT a raccoon I raised. If I had raised him, he would have had much better manners...Spanish Dignitary manners...Espanoles Dignitario.

"El Dignitario Espanol es muy educado!"

"Si! Estoy muy impresionado! Y un bailarĂ­n experto!

Just sayin'.