Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What do Jesus & the Human Centipede have in common?

Song for this post: "Fallin" ~ Connie Francis

Last night I had a dream that I bumped into Connie Francis at a gala. I told her how obsessed with her I am and she told me I had great hair.

It's my new favorite dream.

Also, Please shiny, gold-dusted, Baby Jesus in a manger tell me this isn't real:

I know right?!11?!!one?!?

So. Horrible.

In an effort to look cute tonight I spent some time playing in my closet and switching purses. Unfortunately, I was tired when I did it and left my wallet in my old purse at home. So I'm at work in Seattle with no wallet, no ID and no debit or credit card. I mean, I have my ID that I use as my gym scanner thingy but it's expired.

Fortunately, I keep an extra orca card loaded with enough for a few days of ferry rides in my desk. Otherwise I'd be callin' some o' you and bein' all, "Can I crash on your couch?!!?"  And you'd be all, "Bitch, please!" Because, apparently, we're thugs.

3rd note to self this week: Pay attention when you're packing heat your purse.

So I get to work, grab my coffee, cut up my grapefruit and get cozy in my office. Then I think, "Hey I need to pee."  So I go to the bathroom. Except, before I can pee, I accidentally get my sweater thing in the toilet water. Thankfully, I have another sweater thing in my office.

4th note to self this week: Pay a-fuckin'-tention, Elle.

Today is not starting out well.  Humorous, but not well.


  1. This makes my day sound AWESOME so far! Thanks! Also, good for you for keeping so many "extras" around... my nickname at a previous job (that which shall not be named) was 'wardrobe malfunction.' So at least you're not walkin around all, "hey yo... you gots a safety pin?"

    Since we're thugs.

    1. OMG I keep safety pins with me too. haha :) Fortunately, I also work across the street from Westlake mall so wardrobe malfunctions are easily fixed. Unfortunately, I also work across the street from Westlake mall.

  2. I wish your note to self #3 would have left off at "packing". As in, pay attention when yo' packin' HEAT, YO.