This actually just happened:
Couple #1:
Guy (in cliche trenchcoat) - I'm not going to watch the Labyrinth, if that's what you mean. I can't do it.
Girl - But it's SO. GOOD.
Guy - Or the Dark Crystal. I just can't do it.
Girl - What? Why not!??!
Guy - It's muppets. They freak me out. it's like some bizarre expose of human life.
Meanwhile, couple #2 (who's standing RIGHT NEXT TO COUPLE 1):
Guy: I feel like humanity is mocking itself.
Girl: I know riiiight?
Oh man. This kind of shit is why I don't do drugs.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Beef Island
One of the islands in the British Virgin Islands is called Beef Island. Really.
Flights to the land of beef are less than $700 roundtrip right now. This makes me want to, once again, jump into questionable territory for the sake of a good story.
Flights to the land of beef are less than $700 roundtrip right now. This makes me want to, once again, jump into questionable territory for the sake of a good story.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Sunday, February 10, 2013
This is what happens when you stop eating food...
Song for this post: "Can't Hold Us" ~ Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
I've been pretty MIA since around Christmas both online and off. It was necessary given the decision I had made about the direction my life and my health were headed. And now that I'm on my last week I'll fill you all in on what the last 2 months has been about for me:
I haven't chewed food since Christmas.
I'm not joking.
I made the decision in December to do a 30 day juice cleanse. I'd spent a lot of time being really unhealthy. Emotional trauma had lent itself to using food as comfort. I wasn't just eating too much, I was eating the wrong things and it had taken a toll on my body. I was tired, irritable, my skin was dull, my muscles hurt...I just wasn't a well person.
I'd thought about eating "clean" for a long time and, after a few forays into vegetarianism, I knew I wanted to go that direction. Something just HAD to change and I knew I wouldn't stick with it unless I reset my whole body...and my life. I decided juice cleansing was the right choice for me. I'm a HUGE advocate of the Gerson method so juicing made sense for me as a way to kick start such a huge change.
Many of you have heard about juice cleansing. Some of you have heard nightmare stories about what an awful experience it was. I don't know about other people but, for me, it was fantastic and I'll definitely be doing it again. I loved it so much that when I hit my 30 day mark, I decided to keep going.
Today is day 43. I'm on my last week of a 50 day goal. Today also marks the first time I've eaten solid food. Let me explain how it is that I have one week left but I ate solid food:
When you're juice fasting, you pretty much give your digestive system a break. So, when you complete a fast, it takes some time to get your body used to digesting food again. To come off of this properly, I'm mixing soft fruits and vegetables in with my daily juicing for this last week. I want to transition slowly and healthily so my body can reap the most benefits from this experience.
What are the benefits? It's pretty simple and comes in 2 parts:
I've been pretty MIA since around Christmas both online and off. It was necessary given the decision I had made about the direction my life and my health were headed. And now that I'm on my last week I'll fill you all in on what the last 2 months has been about for me:
I haven't chewed food since Christmas.
I'm not joking.
I made the decision in December to do a 30 day juice cleanse. I'd spent a lot of time being really unhealthy. Emotional trauma had lent itself to using food as comfort. I wasn't just eating too much, I was eating the wrong things and it had taken a toll on my body. I was tired, irritable, my skin was dull, my muscles hurt...I just wasn't a well person.
I'd thought about eating "clean" for a long time and, after a few forays into vegetarianism, I knew I wanted to go that direction. Something just HAD to change and I knew I wouldn't stick with it unless I reset my whole body...and my life. I decided juice cleansing was the right choice for me. I'm a HUGE advocate of the Gerson method so juicing made sense for me as a way to kick start such a huge change.
Many of you have heard about juice cleansing. Some of you have heard nightmare stories about what an awful experience it was. I don't know about other people but, for me, it was fantastic and I'll definitely be doing it again. I loved it so much that when I hit my 30 day mark, I decided to keep going.
Today is day 43. I'm on my last week of a 50 day goal. Today also marks the first time I've eaten solid food. Let me explain how it is that I have one week left but I ate solid food:
When you're juice fasting, you pretty much give your digestive system a break. So, when you complete a fast, it takes some time to get your body used to digesting food again. To come off of this properly, I'm mixing soft fruits and vegetables in with my daily juicing for this last week. I want to transition slowly and healthily so my body can reap the most benefits from this experience.
What are the benefits? It's pretty simple and comes in 2 parts:
Friday, December 7, 2012
i am an emotional creature
Here’s what you will be told:
Find a man
Seek protection
The world is scary
Don’t go out
You are weak
Don’t care so much
They’re only animals
Don’t be so intense
Don’t cry so much
You can’t trust anyone
Don’t talk to strangers
People will take advantage of you
Close your legs
Girls aren’t good with:
Numbers
Facts
Making difficult decisions
Lifting things
Putting things together
International news
Flying planes
Being in charge.
If he rapes you, surrender,
You will get killed trying to defend yourself
Don’t travel alone
You are nothing without a man
Don’t make the first move,
Wait for him to notice you
Don’t be too loud
Follow the crowd
Obey the laws
Don’t know too much
Tone it down
Find someone rich
It’s how you look that matters,
Not what you think.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Oh God I Can't Handle It!
It's just possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen, EVER.
^^Do you see him petting the kitty?!?!? Do you?!?! Gah! I can't handle it!!!
I know. Relax. Even though right now I'm telling myself, "I WANT A PET RACCOON!!!" I realize this is a totally unreasonable idea.
I mean...they could be house trainable.....
...maybe.
Oh! But that reminds me: I do have a pet raccoon. Sort of. I mean, it lives outside with the tailless squirrel who lives in my tree. Guillermo (that's the raccoon's name) scared the shit out of my best friend when she was housesitting for me. I guess she took my trash out for me (I know right?!?!? She's just lovely) and it reared up and charged at her.
Obviously NOT a raccoon I raised. If I had raised him, he would have had much better manners...Spanish Dignitary manners...Espanoles Dignitario.
"El Dignitario Espanol es muy educado!"
"Si! Estoy muy impresionado! Y un bailarín experto!
Just sayin'.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
Why doesn't MTV play music videos anymore?
In this installment of "Ask A Network Head," Natalie asks the head of
programming at MTV why they stopped playing music videos. And gets a fun
answer! Yay!
In other news, there's a digital sign above the loading dock of the ferry I take to and from work every day. It says, "vessel loading" but, for some reason, I always see, "Fear & Loathing."
Things are consistently better and more interesting in my world.
And with that, another Alice in Wonderland reference:
In other news, there's a digital sign above the loading dock of the ferry I take to and from work every day. It says, "vessel loading" but, for some reason, I always see, "Fear & Loathing."
Things are consistently better and more interesting in my world.
And with that, another Alice in Wonderland reference:
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Seattle continues to be witty and irreverent
Saw this ad today in downtown Seattle on my way to my bank:
My city cracks me up. Way to maximize current affairs for advertising, Roku!
In other news, I continue to adore the company I work for. Tonight we hosted a networking event up in Bothell with a certain member company that's doing cutting edge high-performance computing software. There was local beer, trivia, snacks, and a kick-ass photo booth that we took FULL advantage of.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Side effects may include...
Song for this post: "I Ain't Mad At Cha" ~ 2Pac
Aren't we all so glad the election is over? Aren't we all so glad I'm going to be blatantly irreverent again?
It's okay. Me too. Thanks for hangin' in there with me guys. It was tough. Hey! How about some awesome mid-week gangsta rap with some smooth-ass R&B mixed in?
Today I went to get my vaccinations for the upcoming trip to the Dominican Republic, which I like to call "Drunk on our faces in the lawn while our security guard fishes our pants out of the pool" trip.
Needles hurt! I mean, I knew this. But really. I didn't KNOW this. I got vaccinations for hepatitis A, hepatitis B, typhoid, tetanus, diphtheria, and pertussis, and a prescription for anti-malaria pills. So basically, I'm now bionic and potentially light up under black lights. I'm the life of the party.
Just a little while ago I was emailing a friend about it and preening about how my arms didn't hurt at all.
I guess that just makes me a great big liar.
Ow.
On the up side, I look exceptionally Popeye-ish right now. Suuuuuuper buff.
So, I don't know if I ever told you guys this but I'm irrationally phobic about parasites. So bad, in fact, that I was able to dissect a pig in high school but not a worm. The worm was so disturbing to me I had to leave the room...and I cried. So disturbing that even typing the word now makes me want to vomit in my nose.
So clearly, I had to ask my doctor about the safeties of 3rd world countries and if she would just prescribe me a few rounds of charcoal pills now, you know, just in case.
There was a noticeable pause in the conversation and she just kind of looked at me blankly. I'm assuming it's because she was processing the genius of my forethought.
Immediately after that she said she was required to have me complete a survey on mental health because it's just something they do now with everyone, every visit.
I'minsisting assuming the two situations are mutually exclusive.
Lastly, I've seen posters in medical offices about proper methods of hand washing. But never have I seen one about hand RUBBING.
I feel like this should be given to teenage boys.
And this, because it's been a while...and I miss Weeds.
Aren't we all so glad the election is over? Aren't we all so glad I'm going to be blatantly irreverent again?
It's okay. Me too. Thanks for hangin' in there with me guys. It was tough. Hey! How about some awesome mid-week gangsta rap with some smooth-ass R&B mixed in?
Today I went to get my vaccinations for the upcoming trip to the Dominican Republic, which I like to call "Drunk on our faces in the lawn while our security guard fishes our pants out of the pool" trip.
Needles hurt! I mean, I knew this. But really. I didn't KNOW this. I got vaccinations for hepatitis A, hepatitis B, typhoid, tetanus, diphtheria, and pertussis, and a prescription for anti-malaria pills. So basically, I'm now bionic and potentially light up under black lights. I'm the life of the party.
Just a little while ago I was emailing a friend about it and preening about how my arms didn't hurt at all.
I guess that just makes me a great big liar.
Ow.
On the up side, I look exceptionally Popeye-ish right now. Suuuuuuper buff.
So, I don't know if I ever told you guys this but I'm irrationally phobic about parasites. So bad, in fact, that I was able to dissect a pig in high school but not a worm. The worm was so disturbing to me I had to leave the room...and I cried. So disturbing that even typing the word now makes me want to vomit in my nose.
So clearly, I had to ask my doctor about the safeties of 3rd world countries and if she would just prescribe me a few rounds of charcoal pills now, you know, just in case.
There was a noticeable pause in the conversation and she just kind of looked at me blankly. I'm assuming it's because she was processing the genius of my forethought.
Immediately after that she said she was required to have me complete a survey on mental health because it's just something they do now with everyone, every visit.
I'm
Lastly, I've seen posters in medical offices about proper methods of hand washing. But never have I seen one about hand RUBBING.
I feel like this should be given to teenage boys.
And this, because it's been a while...and I miss Weeds.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Listen to your elders, people.
Listen to your elders, people. They have a WEALTH of knowledge to share:
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Shackin' up
Song for this post: "Love Me Honey Do" ~ Patsy Cline
not that I am incapable of love
it's just that I see love as odd as wearing shoes-
I never wanted to marry a girl who was like my mother
And Ingrid Bergman was always impossible
And there maybe a girl now but she's already married
And I don't like men and-
but there's got to be somebody!
Because what if I'm 60 years old and not married,
all alone in furnished room with pee stains on my underwear
and everybody else is married! All in the universe married but me!
Ah, yet well I know that were a woman possible as I am possible
then marriage would be possible-
Like SHE in her lonely alien gaud waiting her Egyptian lover
so I wait-bereft of 2,000 years and the bath of life.
~Taken from "Marriage" by Gregory Corso
Friday, November 2, 2012
Happiness needs to be elevated to pandemia.
Song for this post: "Enjoy Yourself (It's later than you think)" ~ Louis Prima
Are people getting meaner? Or am I just noticing it more? Maybe it's like when you buy a blue car and then realize how many blue cars are on the road. My awareness of cruelty in the world is becoming Nietzschien.
It seems like every single day I see something awful. Like the father who was screaming at his infant on the ferry the other day while it cried hopelessly. Or the woman who kicked her dog as they crossed the street. Or me, when I ignored that poor woman on the boardwalk when all she asked for was help to get food.
It all breaks my heart so much that I get literally, physically nauseous when I think about it all, like feeling the emotions I felt in those moments might make me sick, because our bodies weren't meant to house that kind of negativity.
Maybe I notice it more because I'm out of the city. Maybe I notice because my island is slowly connecting to land.
I just know that everything makes me feel this horrible sense of despair and injustice, like I might lose it if we all don't start doing the right thing right now.
I want to crawl up on a clock tower and declare that we're all going to be happy, goddamnit, even if you all hate it.
Are people getting meaner? Or am I just noticing it more? Maybe it's like when you buy a blue car and then realize how many blue cars are on the road. My awareness of cruelty in the world is becoming Nietzschien.
It seems like every single day I see something awful. Like the father who was screaming at his infant on the ferry the other day while it cried hopelessly. Or the woman who kicked her dog as they crossed the street. Or me, when I ignored that poor woman on the boardwalk when all she asked for was help to get food.
It all breaks my heart so much that I get literally, physically nauseous when I think about it all, like feeling the emotions I felt in those moments might make me sick, because our bodies weren't meant to house that kind of negativity.
Maybe I notice it more because I'm out of the city. Maybe I notice because my island is slowly connecting to land.
I just know that everything makes me feel this horrible sense of despair and injustice, like I might lose it if we all don't start doing the right thing right now.
I want to crawl up on a clock tower and declare that we're all going to be happy, goddamnit, even if you all hate it.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Thanks for coming to my Pinterest party!
Song for this post: "Going Up The Country" ~ Kitty, Daisy, & Lewis
Last weekend I went to Portland to visit my sister, nieces, and close friend. I haven't seen them in months.
After a great weekend of quality time with my sister we found ourselves (myself, sister, and friend) sprawled out on my sister's bed talking to each other while "pinning" feverishly on our phones.
We pinned so hard my sister fell asleep.
I don't know if it's that we've become old and "boring," if we've become girlier, or if Pinterest really is just the coolest thing ever. But something about three 30-something women falling asleep from Pinterest exhaustion is crackin' me up.
"Thanks for coming to my Pinterest party guys! It was super fun!"
Shameless plug: If you click on the Pinterest symbol to the right you can see my pin wish list. :)
Rape is just a "thing"
The fact that I share a state with this man is upsetting in and of itself.
Okay so, let's just clear one thing up really quickly:
Why are all of these middle-aged, overly-priveleged, out-of-touch, caucasian, male politicians weighing in on a woman's right to get an abortion after she's raped?
Why aren't they weighing in on educating men NOT TO RAPE?
I'm tired of being your scapegoat.
Read full article here.
Listen to full audio from John Koster here.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Today I failed.
Today on my way to the ferry terminal a homeless woman jumped in front of me quite suddenly and asked for assistance. Before I could really register what was going on, I told her I don't carry cash, which was the truth.
But it wasn't until after I said it that I realized she hadn't asked for money. She had asked me to help get her something to eat.
And it wasn't until I was past her that I realized she was crying.
And I didn't turn back.
I can't get her face out of my mind and I feel so, incredibly, terribly, and guiltily awful.
A crying homeless woman asked me for food and I kept moving.
What is wrong with me?!?!?!
Afterward I told myself I'd make it right. I'd do something tomorrow. I'd see her again. I'd see someone else. I'd get another chance to make the right choice.
But the thing is, that choice was in front of me at that moment. And I messed up. I chose the wrong thing.
Doing the right thing and helping the people around you isn't based on second chances. It's based on an unwavering moral compass.
I just wanna cry.
But it wasn't until after I said it that I realized she hadn't asked for money. She had asked me to help get her something to eat.
And it wasn't until I was past her that I realized she was crying.
And I didn't turn back.
I can't get her face out of my mind and I feel so, incredibly, terribly, and guiltily awful.
A crying homeless woman asked me for food and I kept moving.
What is wrong with me?!?!?!
Afterward I told myself I'd make it right. I'd do something tomorrow. I'd see her again. I'd see someone else. I'd get another chance to make the right choice.
But the thing is, that choice was in front of me at that moment. And I messed up. I chose the wrong thing.
Doing the right thing and helping the people around you isn't based on second chances. It's based on an unwavering moral compass.
I just wanna cry.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Malarkey, sleepovers, and pergatory via planning meetings
Sorry for being MIA for the last 2 weeks, guys. I'm still here. I've just been really busy with this new job which, BTW, is so fantastic I might pee a little from excitement. Even today when our budget planning meeting lasted 8 hours (and it's not done yet ugh...kill me now) I was still super happy to be there.
I. Love. It. There.
I've got the Lady's Quarterly Sleepover: Autumn Edition this weekend so I'll be sure to recap that debacle this coming week.
Also, did you guys catch the VP debate tonight?!?! I feel like, in a less civilized world, they would have thrown down. I gotta admit, watching those two grapple it out on camera would have been awesome. Biden would have growled and snarled and ripped off Ryan's pale, clammy arms and then beat his chest with them in victory.
At least, that's how I imagine it in my head...and we all know how bizarre it can get up in there.
If you missed the debate, watch it all below:
And please, for the love of kittens, unicorns, and gummy bears, get out and vote! Don't be that douche canoe who wants to tell us your opinion even though you didn't exercise your right to voice it when it mattered.
If you missed the debate, watch it all below:
And please, for the love of kittens, unicorns, and gummy bears, get out and vote! Don't be that douche canoe who wants to tell us your opinion even though you didn't exercise your right to voice it when it mattered.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
You Can Help Save Baby Casen
This beautiful boy from Puyallup, WA is suffering from a disease that's so rare, only 14 people in the world have it. For him to have treatment, his family either has to move to Belgium or travel there monthly. Either way it will cost them hundreds of thousands of dollars to keep their baby alive.
I'm asking all of us to chip in and help this family save their baby. Help him have a chance at life.
Read more on the story and donate here: Save Baby Casen
Skip the story and donate directly here: Donate & Save A Life
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