Why Dating Websites Are So Much Fun

I'm going to preface this by saying that I rarely take dating websites seriously. In fact, if you were to look at my profile on OkCupid, the website would alert you that I "respond very selectively" which basically means, "don't even bother." This is for a few reasons:

1. I'm super happy with the person I'm dating right now. 

2. 95% of the people on that site are broken, damaged, or retarded.

3. I'm lazy and can't be bothered by your neediness/flattery/pathetic attempt to get in my pants.
4. Unless I care about you on a personal level or interact with you professionally, I'm pretty much a career obsessed, anti-feelings, bitch-monster. RAWWWR!!!

Mostly, I have a profile on there still because, occasionally, gems like what happened this morning pop up and I can't resist the need to see where it goes. Questions about my behavior? See quoted explanation at left. Still have questions? This.

I'd like to start by thanking THIS guy for making my morning. Srsly. You crack me up! :D

(click to enlarge)

I'm really proud of myself right now for not responding to the LONG list of bat shit cray cray drivel he spewed.  There's so much ammo there I wouldn't know where to begin:

Things NOT to mention when first contacting someone on a dating website:

1. Burning Man
2. Orgies
3. His childhood sexual abuse
4. Drug use
5. Openly admitting he's probably a walking STD after having had sex with almost 300 people
6. An obvious hatred of women

...but you can bet your bottom dollar I'm probably going to be referencing it here for a LONG time.