Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What do Jesus & the Human Centipede have in common?

Song for this post: "Fallin" ~ Connie Francis

Last night I had a dream that I bumped into Connie Francis at a gala. I told her how obsessed with her I am and she told me I had great hair.

It's my new favorite dream.

Also, Please shiny, gold-dusted, Baby Jesus in a manger tell me this isn't real:




I know right?!11?!!one?!?

So. Horrible.

In an effort to look cute tonight I spent some time playing in my closet and switching purses. Unfortunately, I was tired when I did it and left my wallet in my old purse at home. So I'm at work in Seattle with no wallet, no ID and no debit or credit card. I mean, I have my ID that I use as my gym scanner thingy but it's expired.

Fortunately, I keep an extra orca card loaded with enough for a few days of ferry rides in my desk. Otherwise I'd be callin' some o' you and bein' all, "Can I crash on your couch?!!?"  And you'd be all, "Bitch, please!" Because, apparently, we're thugs.

3rd note to self this week: Pay attention when you're packing heat your purse.

So I get to work, grab my coffee, cut up my grapefruit and get cozy in my office. Then I think, "Hey I need to pee."  So I go to the bathroom. Except, before I can pee, I accidentally get my sweater thing in the toilet water. Thankfully, I have another sweater thing in my office.

4th note to self this week: Pay a-fuckin'-tention, Elle.

Today is not starting out well.  Humorous, but not well.




4 comments:

  1. This makes my day sound AWESOME so far! Thanks! Also, good for you for keeping so many "extras" around... my nickname at a previous job (that which shall not be named) was 'wardrobe malfunction.' So at least you're not walkin around all, "hey yo... you gots a safety pin?"

    Since we're thugs.

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    Replies
    1. OMG I keep safety pins with me too. haha :) Fortunately, I also work across the street from Westlake mall so wardrobe malfunctions are easily fixed. Unfortunately, I also work across the street from Westlake mall.

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  2. I wish your note to self #3 would have left off at "packing". As in, pay attention when yo' packin' HEAT, YO.

    ReplyDelete